Bryan Danilovich
Applicant: Literally Any Position at Barnes Backyard Bees LLC
Bee Whisperer (whispering because I'm hiding) Sales Closer AI Enthusiast Professional Jar Opener
ATTN: Jesse & Jon Silas, Co-CEOs
Objective
To help Northwest Georgia's fastest-growing kid-run honey empire scale from 17 hives to 17,000, while staying at least 40 feet from every one of them.
Professional Experience
Royal Advisor to the Queen
2019 – Present · Remote- Advise Her Majesty on succession planning and drone management, strictly over Zoom
- Negotiated the Great Pollen Accord of 2021 from inside my car with the windows up
- Talked the bees out of square honeycomb. You're welcome. ← true story
Chief Sales Officer
Every Fair I've Ever Attended- Can sell a $15 Solid Pillar Candle to a guy who came to Crabapple Fest for a funnel cake
- Pioneered the Combo Upsell:
Getting the lip balm? For eight more dollars, add the hand cream. Your lips will be jealous.
- Makes change for a $20 in under 0.4 seconds
Director of Artificial Intelligence
Nights & Weekends- Built an AI that detects bees within 50 feet and texts me "RUN"
- Developing BeeGPT to answer every customer's three questions:
Is it raw?
Is it local?
andDoes Hot Honey go on pizza?
(Yes.)
Education
Ph.D., Apiology, University of the Hive
Dissertation: "Why Are They Always So Busy?" (researched entirely online)
M.B.A. (Master of Bee-siness Administration), summa cum honey
Intro to Beekeeping: one YouTube video, 2x speed, eyes mostly closed
Why You Should Hire Me
- You went from 2 hives to 17 in four years. That's 750% growth. I'm in sales, so I'm legally required to point that out.
- Your homepage still says you're 9 and 12. I noticed. That's attention to detail.
- I take direction extremely well from people a third my age.
- I understand the org chart: Co-CEOs → bees → honey → me.
References
"Bzzz bzz bzzzz bzz."
Translation: "He has never visited. Not once."
"He has hidden in me 11 times this summer."
"Bryan is a highly motivated, results-driven professional."
(He told me to say this.)
The Co-CEOs' Decision
Please choose carefully. Bryan is watching from a safe distance.
Prepared exclusively for Barnes Backyard Bees LLC. No bees were approached in the making of this résumé.